Dedicated to my INTJ Best Friend. Let this be the reminder we need. Always & forever!!

Love is beautiful. It has the power to let you see the world in a different light. When in love, almost everything around feels magical. You hear the birds chirping, you listen to the silent whisper of leaves rattling. Reminds me of the movie enchanted. I can literally picture Amy Adams singing Aa…aa..aaa…aaaa….aaaaa…..You smile at almost every person you meet. You’re happy within.

But when things don’t work out the way we picture it might. It breaks us a little each time. We feel our ability to trust is tarnished forever. We close ourselves to feelings… We close ourselves to Love… Yet desiring it deeply. So, when we fall in Love again. We already have past pain that seeps in unknowingly.

From a psychological perspective, the first relationship, or the next or the next after that, didn’t work, because it never was meant to be. We as an individual choose partners that unconsciously play out the same family dynamics, we were a part of or witnessed in our parents. Consciously we don’t want to re-enact the same dynamics, but nevertheless it takes on its own course, until we see the patterns and break them. When we reach an understanding of ourselves, when we define our values, we define what kind of a partner we want. It changes everything. What happens is your subconscious mind is still going on auto pilot of choosing a partner that plays the same family dynamics, but now since you’ve told yourself, what you’re looking for, it starts conflicting. So, when in a relationship with someone that doesn’t meet our values, we unconsciously sabotage the relationship without realizing it.

When we think logically, without the rationalization, we know that relationship would never work. And yet we find ourselves in this time loop of wanting it. so why do we still want it? the thing is, the subconscious mind is a reservoir of patterns. It has memories saved of everything you’ve ever done, you may not remember it, but it’s all there. As a child, your safest sanctuary was your home, you’ve witnessed your parent’s relationship and that somehow becomes the blueprint of all relationships for you. If you look closely, all your relationship’s had parts of what your parent’s relationship was. Even the parts you may despise. You may not realize this… But after several failed relationships, you choose to act differently. We humans are triggered by pain and will do anything to avoid it.

Every relationship, every experience changes us. Teaches us something new. We tell ourselves, okay this is what went wrong, I shouldn’t do this… Or we see ourselves saying… Okay so this is what my partner needed… We make a commitment to ourselves to be better. To be attentive to the other’s needs, to be fully invested mentally, physically and emotionally. We make a commitment to choose that person above all… We choose to be better. The funny thing is, we would have never reached that conclusion without that pain, without those failed relationships. Yes, the pain of losing that love still haunts us but it is also that pain that has defined us. And not just love or romantic relationship, every trauma, every loss leaves us with a lesson. Forces us to step out of our comfort zones. Forces us to make the changes to live a better and a more fulfilled life.

Pain is a paradox. It has different dimensions to it. It can change you to transform your life or make you miserable because of it. After a breakup we feel a certain void. We feel we miss our ex; we feel the need to rekindle the same relationship. We think of how we could’ve done things differently to save the relationship. We constantly blame ourselves for its failure. I will say it again… Relationship’s don’t break because you did something wrong, relationship’s break because you are something wrong for each other. As much as you feel, you need the other person to survive, it’s not true…. you will and have survived all along…this too shall pass…. Time heals everything…. Train your mind to be stronger than your emotions. Because emotions are merely there as a guiding compass to your life. Example: When cooking, you burn your hand, you feel a burning sensation, it hurts, so you know, you must be careful around fire. Similarly, when sick you feel miserable, you know you need a doctor to help you get better. All emotions are basically there to draw your attention to certain areas of your life that either needs introspection or needs to be fixed.

Have you ever noticed, how you feel miserable after a breakup…but with time when you meet someone new…you feel good…the relationship feels good…you don’t miss your ex as much as you did before! Truth is, Humans are creatures of habit, we get used to routines. It’s usually not about your ex Or Love per se. It is the emotion they invoke in you; it is the memories that flood your emotional gates. It is mostly your idea of love / relationship that holds you prisoner. But eventually with time, everything starts to fade, and the same emotions grow weaker. . . And, when you meet someone new who invokes even stronger emotions they get replaced. So basically, Weaker emotions are replaced by stronger emotions. . . What I’m really saying is: Yes, every emotion is important, every memory you hold is dear… Reminisce your past with fondness. . . Wish them well every time you think of them. But let it be just that. . . Life is too short to get yourself caught up in it.! Whenever in doubt remind yourself ” You may want this……But you don’t need this “. If you constantly live in the projections of your past, you deny yourself of true fulfillment. If anything, my experience has taught me: Life has meaning when you attach your life to dreams and goals and not to a person. Because that is what defines you. Your Happiness begins with you…. Your dreams and desires in life. . . Who knows, you could probably be the next Nikola Tesla or Carl Jung. You might just be that person to go down in history and change the world …. You would be remembered forever. . . Your invention or discovery will be appreciated by millions across the globe. . . You can be anything you want to be. . . If all great minds got caught up in similar fashions, we still would’ve lived in caves. . .. Thousands have contributed to the life we live…… You can be that person too…. All you need is: Believe in Yourself……Make your dreams the sole purpose of meaning. . . Yes, find time for hobbies and desires too, even Love…. But let that person be someone that wants to grow with you…… Choose someone who chooses You…. Don’t waste time chasing illusions. . . Life is beautiful …. Remember all the people that Love you fiercely… All the people that believe in you…… Remember the love, laughter and silly polaroid’s…. remember the endless coffees and alcohol nights…… the long walks on the beach…. the sandcastles left behind…. This is what you really need!! A life of meaning and purpose!! A Life of Love and being loved by the one’s that choose you!!!!